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Let’s start with reading a short fairytale love story which gives us a perfect example of what gaslighting is. Trying to collect the perspective of the gaslighter and victim both this short story may help you recognise what gaslighting is.When we first started dating, my boyfriend made me feel like I was a princess and complimented every aspect of my looks, down to my fingers and toes. As time went on, the flattery faded, and it was replaced with small criticisms. My clothes weren’t the right style; I should wax every part of my body, I should lose a few pounds… the list was endless. It wasn’t until a mutual friend asked what he liked about me and he was completely silent that I realised it had all been a facade. He didn’t like what I looked like or who I was; he liked what I had to offer. I walked away from the relationship, but the years of gaslighting me into believing that I was unattractive left my confidence at an all-time low.What is Gaslighting?To gaslight is to manipulate another person into doubting his or her perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events.Gaslighting is an emotional and psychological abuse done to anyone which makes them go through various kinds of unusual feelings at the same time. The victim often ends up being confused, with questioned self-worth, low self-esteem. It is like someone acting as a janitor and constantly trying to change your perception and memory while disconnecting you from reality.Origin of the word GaslightingThe term ‘Gaslight’ came from the 1938, British stage play, by Patrick Hamilton. The play was followed by a film in 1944. Where, a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she has a mental illness by dimming their gas-fuelled lights and telling her she is hallucinating. Since the 1960’s the term has been used to refer to people who make covert attempts to manipulate people, particularly in abusive .How Gaslighting worksBeginning with a person first praising his/her companion and the shift from praising to criticising is gaslighting. The victims of gaslighting experiences absence of self worth, their memories, recent events and their perceptions as well. The victims of gaslighting often end up being confused about themselves and the gaslighter blames the victim and judges them for being too sensitive. There are many tactics you can see when the person is gaslighting you.Discrediting youPeople who gaslight may pretend or show they care about you but they often end up bitching and disrespecting you. They end up making people believe that you’re crazy or you have some disorder. The people gaslighting you makes you believe bad about other people as well.Blame shiftingThe gaslighter tends to shift the blame on you, questioning you constantly and making you realise that you are the one who must have done something wrong. Even when you try to communicate how the abuser’s behaviour makes you feel, they again shift the whole conversation to you. For ex: forcing you emotionally to behave in a certain manner to get the behaviour you deserve.Not accepting their own doingsThe abusers usually have a habit of denying or not accepting the harm they have caused someone emotionally. This habit of abusers creates a negative impact on the victim making them questioning their self worth and believing that something is wrong with them only. This tactic makes it very difficult for the victim to move ahead in their life. For ex: Cheating on someone and not accepting it, while shifting the blame to another person. Habit of lyingThe abusers have a habit of lying to you for silly and small things as well. They are pathological liars sometimes with narcissistic traits.  Which makes you believe at a time that it is you who is judging or overreacting, even if you caught them or confront them with a proof, they puts it on you with sentences like: “you’re making this”, “such things never happened”, “you’re the one who is lying”.Examples of GaslightingThis refers to a person questioning someone’s memory and making them believe that something is wrong with them or they have a weak memory. Using statements like: “why do you never remember anything?”, “you have such a poor memory”, “are you sure, or you want to rethink?”. In this the person uses the technique of not understanding what the victim is trying to convey in order to avoid having a conversation and getting confronted. Refusing to what the person is trying to say using statements like: “I’m not getting what you are trying to say”, “you’re not making any sense to me”.The gaslighter may also end up using the victim’s age, sexuality, ethnicity, nationality, caste, religion etc to control them and make negative impacts. For example: telling a male it is not ok to cry or express or using statements like: “you’re acting like a kid, grow up”, “don’t be a girl”.This involves abusers to pretend to forget the events or incidents that occurred. They clearly deny saying or doing a thing that may have hurt another person. For example using statements like: “I do not remember doing that, you’re making this up”, “I never said that, you are ”. This is the technique of shifting the focus of communication or argument to the victim, basically diverting the topic of conversation. Using statements like: “stop getting new ideas from your friends”, “stop wasting your time on making up scenarios”.This refers to when the person does on accept, validates and degrades the feelings of another person. They tend to manipulate the victim by denying their feelings and making a fuss about everything. For example using statements like: “why are you being over sensitive?”, “you’re overreacting”.Signs of GaslightingExperiencing gaslighting makes you go through certain mixed emotions and many mental health problems like: , and other concerns. It is important to identify whether you are being gaslighted or not. To check that you should ask yourself certain questions that the given statements are relatable or not?How to respond to GaslightingGaslighting is not an overnight process, it requires repetitive patterns. You need to identify certain patterns if you are being gaslighted.Always remember your truth and trust yourself If you are being gaslighted, remember to trust your memory and your instinct first. The gaslighter never focuses on your side of the story and constantly tries to shift the focus of communication. Try to be connected with yourself in order to be sane. Recognise the warning signalsIt is not as easy as it sounds but there are few things that may help you recognise that you are being gaslighted. This feeling of being gaslighted often leaves you confused and numb. Remember the focus always. Do not second guess your feelingsNever lose trust in yourself, because if you do then it changes the game. Always remember it is about you and your feelings also matter, whenever you feel unheard or misunderstood try to focus on yourself rather than making them understand, leave.Get an outsider’s perspective Talking about your situation with an outsider like family or friend may help you look at a bigger picture and identify whether you are being gaslighted or not. This gives you an unbiased different perspective. Save the evidenceIf you feel you are being constantly gaslighted, start saving evidence for the events that have happened because being gaslighted may leave you confused and at a moment of time you may end up questioning yourself and find it difficult between distinguishing the reality and a made up story. Listen to your gut and end the relationshipIf things are getting too overwhelming for you, the gaslighting is rapidly increasing and getting out of your control, then . It is difficult to end a relationship but if it is affecting you, it is the best way to stop any kind of abuse.Tips for seeking helpSeeking help can be very difficult, because sometimes it gets very difficult for people to even realise that they are being gaslighted, even if they do gaslighting in some relationships the emotional dependency is too high it gets difficult to just leave. Gaslighting leaves you with a great sense of loss of personal identity. In order to seek help, go to a therapist and maybe try talking about it. Because sometimes you have to choose between being lonely and being crazy. Living with a constant state of loss of self worth and interest leaves you with problems in even functioning properly sometimes. is a great way to seek help from your own place. A therapist offers you:
Yashika Agarwal
Yashika Agarwal
Tue Jul 19 2022

Sologamy – Saying “Yes I do” to oneself

We have heard about Monogamy (single life partner), Bigamy (two partners), and Polygamy (multiple partners) marriages which have been in existence since time immemorial. But Sologamy is the latest in-thing.  There have been instances that you might have come across, where a woman married Eiffel Tower, and she is called Mrs. Eiffel, where a man married his favourite pillow that was with him since his childhood, and he carries it everywhere. When Kshama Bindu, a young woman from Vadodara, Gujarat took wedding vows with herself and said, “yes I do” the traditional Indian way, it caught everyone’s eye all over the country. This is called Sologamy, the act of marrying oneself, committed to oneself out of self-love till the last breath.For many marrying non living things, or marrying oneself might sound like a bizarrely insane act. But if we try to look from their perspective, we will better understand that it’s all about falling in deep love and reciprocating the same whether with a nonliving object or with oneself. This is the latest trend that is picking pace slowly amongst the younger lot in the west and other parts of the world. Though this is the first case in India, there are several reports of self-marriage from other parts of the world too.What is SologamySologamy is marrying oneself without an officiant or a partner of the opposite sex involved. This is also referred to as self-uniting marriage. The wedding vows are a little different than any regular marriage as the person is saying, “I do” to oneself. Wedding rituals remain the same to commemorate the sologamy wedding. Cultures may vary though.Sologamy and Self LoveSome people support the argument that unless you love yourself, how can one love another human, marry that person and be happy in that . Hence, one must love oneself and accept oneself with all the flaws and good things only then the relationship will be an enriching experience. Sologamy or Autogamy is an act of extreme self-love. It is a manifestation of self-love and independence where a person feels fulfilled & complete with one’s own company and doesn’t feel the need to have another human in life.In other words, we can say that it is a safe game to play, where you invest your time, emotions, and energy in yourself and be happier than spending your whole life with someone you don’t love.FAQs about SologamyThe legal status of Sologamy or Self-MarriageThe Hindu Marriage Act requires two people to participate in the wedding rituals and get hitched. In the absence of which the marriage doesn’t hold legal status. It is more of a cultural thing emphasising on self-love independence and self-sufficiency.When did the trend of Sologamy begin?It all started with a Dentist, Linda Baker who took the wedding vows with herself in 1993. It was the first-ever case of sologamy in the whole world, and a daring act indeed back in those days.Divorce In SologamyIt’s very sad to see any relationship coming to an end. A person may wish to divorce oneself in a sologamy marriage then he/she is free to do it. The first report of sologamy divorce when a Brazilian model, Cris Galera decided to end her 90 days of self-marriage as she has found someone for her. Well, finally she could find someone worth spending her whole life with.Why is Sologamy getting popularIn today’s world, where love is being catered to on digital platforms like Tinder and Bumble, finding true love is almost impossible. The fear of , betrayal and trust issues are inevitable. Hence the younger generation is finding it rather easy to emphasise being self-loved and get hitched to oneself. As per social psychologists and relationship experts, all over the world, several factors are giving rise to the number of sologamy relationships.Benefits of a Sologamy RelationshipSologamy or self-marriage or say it like self-love is getting popular amongst the youngsters. This new kind of relationship comes with its own set of benefits which is more alluring than any relationship that involves two people.No compromise with independenceOne need not compromise on independence in a solo marriage as this is the first thing that people are scared of in a relationship. solo marriage gives you the freedom to safeguard your interests and still explore the world around you.No fear of betrayalOne has the fear of being dumped and being left out in a relationship involving two people. But in a solo marriage, love feels like an eternal thing as one will not betray oneself. The longing for lifetime love will be fulfilled for sure in a solo relationship.No compromises with comfortsIn a typical marriage, the compromise begins with the changes in the basic needs, sharing the bedroom, other things, and basic style changes to fit the bill. In a solo gamy marriage, one need not compromise on the comforts of life.No fear of dealing with in-laws and extended familyEspecially women are obsessed with the fear of dealing with the in-laws and the other family members. Family politics and drama is not just their cuppa. Many opt for solo marriage to avoid these glitches as it affects their mental well-being.Social stigmaMany choose not to marry just as they think they are not meant for perfect family life as other aspects of life seem to be more important for them. But remaining unmarried attracts everyone’s negative attention and one becomes the topic of discussion. Hence solo gamy allows them to start a new journey with themselves.Sologamy is a new way of lifeFor whatever reasons, some are in support of this whereas sologamy has received the backlash of many. Any relationship is all about falling in love with each other and growing together. Then what is wrong with falling in love with oneself and growing with oneself accepting one’s weaknesses and strengths? Let’s think it over without being biased. After all, self-love Is not selfish. You cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.”If you are struggling with your relationship, you can seek online counselling and therapy on the  from top rated therapists like , , , and . and start feeling better now.
Lavanya Vallabh
Lavanya Vallabh
Wed Jun 29 2022

Grief – Losing a loved one

What is Grief?Losing a loved one is heartbreaking — the grief you experience is a normal part of dealing with loss. There is no right or wrong definition or right or wrong way to deal with grief. It is a natural feeling which comes with the loss of someone close to you or you love. The loss can be the death, divorce or ending a relationship. Grief is both personal and universal experience to a natural reaction. The process of grieving is an important process in order to overcome all the feelings and emotions experienced. It is a powerful and overwhelming emotion experienced by people.The 5 stages of GriefThe five stages of grief were introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969 in her book ‘Death and Dying’;Stage 1 – DenialThis page lets you survive the emotional pain. The denial stage involves suppressing your feelings and processing the feeling of loss. It is hard to experience the pain behind your loss, people sometimes don’t know how to react in a certain situation which leads them to this denial stage. The shift in reality after loss becomes enigmatic to adjust in. This stage works on the principle of . Denial slows down the process of processing our feelings or emotions after a huge loss.Stage 2 – AngerAnger is usually the first emotion we experience while in a shift of emotions. This stage depends upon. It is completely normal to experience anger most of the time people isolate themselves during the healing process. But is it to be understood that social acceptance at this stage is very much necessary. Stage 3 – BargainingThe feeling of helplessness leads you to say or feel like . The feeling of bargaining again is a very common and personal feeling where you directly go to the higher authority. The shift of reality leads you to make every possible effort in order to make things right. Sometimes we also recall the times and want to change the things we did or the words we said. But this feeling is a part of the healing process only, where you are now aware of what is happening and wanting to make it right at any cost.Stage 4 – DepressionAfter putting all your efforts in bargaining, when you finally start to feel and face the reality and absorb what is happening around, you tend to pull inwards as the level of sadness increases and it gets heavier for us. And generally you get the feeling of . The drained energy puts you in such a situation of a very natural stage of grief. Dealing with this stage can be very self-isolating and evacuative.Stage 5 – AcceptanceThis stage comes with a beautiful gift of feeling,. The stage of acceptance comes after all the struggle which makes you not want to struggle in making anything different. With the presence of sadness and regret you also learn to deal with our feelings here.Coping with the loss of your loved oneWe’ll start things off with this incredibly inspiring love story that begins the movie “Up”. This is one of our favourite love stories because it shows the phases and seasons of life through the power of love. And, the best part is, that it’s a story told with no words! A truly beautiful inspiration for showing us the healing process of grief. Determined to save his home and keep the promise he made to his wife, widower Carl Fredricksen embarks on a journey to the mysterious Paradise Falls in an airship of his own invention. Along the way he meets his childhood hero, forms a bond with a boy who has an absent father, and realises the preciousness of the life he lived as well as the one he now lives. There is no right or wrong way to grief. Everyone just functions differently. But, grieving individuals may use some of these tips;This process can be quite isolating. Whenever we feel alone try to reach out to people and share our feelings. Don’t expect anyone to answer, just expect them to be aware, in this case we can also reach out to any professional who can take care of our feelings and emotions.It is ok to feel your emotions and be aware of it. Give yourself some time and space to experience the bundled up emotions. Don’t feel guilty for any emotion coming our way, take our time to analyse. We may feel a number of emotions at the same time, do not judge yourself. Some people set aside time to think about our loved ones and feel the emotions we experience. This approach is good for people who find it difficult to express their feelings in front of others but as this approach is quite addictive so take care while doing so. Forgive yourself for the emotions you feel and for the things you have done in the past or the words you have said. Forgive yourself for the regret you have for doing and not doing a certain thing. Try to focus on positive thoughts.Indulge in the activities of your interest. Spare some time to focus on yourself. This may help you experience your emotions and help you get rid of negative thoughts. The healing process may bring a feeling of being disconnected from oneself, try not to fall in the trap and keep yourself engaged in the activities of self-love. Keep a track of physical activities like workout or any sports that may also help you stay focused. Triggering situations or milestones can bring a roller coaster of emotions. Try to plan these days in advance so you won;’t get stuck within your thoughts and feelings. For example, you can be alone or find yourself some motivating task to perform that day.Online Counselling for GriefAccording to the American Psychological Association (APA), is the “provision of advice, information, and psychological support” to help people regain the ability to function following a loss. It helps you and guides you through the 5 stages of healing and grieving.How does online counselling and therapy help?Types of Online Grief CounsellingAudio/Video Sessions(American Psychiatric Association) APA suggests that online counselling is equivalent to offline counselling. It also lets you connect with any therapist throughout the world. There are some days you don’t feel like going out. In that case you can opt for an online counselling session rather than making efforts to go out. Online Chat SupportThere are many online chat rooms where you can connect to any therapist and it allows you to chat or call the person while maintaining your confidentiality. The benefit is it does not let you move out and is easily available for people in remote areas. Support GroupsSuch groups are formed where people in similar situations can connect to each other and help each other through the healing process. You can connect to any person in the world while being present at your place. The feeling of reassurance helps you to get out of the pain. You can access online support communities on Quora and Reddit.Coming out of the feeling of grief may look or sound easy but it requires all your efforts and energy. It destroys us from within, without even letting us be aware about it. In a similar situation always remember you are not alone and it is completely normal to seek help, there is always a way to heal you just have to trust the process and be aware. allows you to open up while being at your safe space.There are many top behavioural health professionals on like  , , and who can support you in the grieving process. You can download the and access quality support from the comfort of your home.
Yashika Agarwal
Yashika Agarwal
Fri Jun 17 2022
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TickTalkTo is the best app for online counselling. They have the best psychologists, counsellors, and psychiatrists. In addition you have multiple plans to suit your budget. Their unique model of happiness coach, therapists and assessments make it the top counselling and therapy website.
Therapy sessions in India can be availed for as low as ₹500 per session. This makes availing therapy in India very affordable. TickTalkTo app offers you multiple budget friendly plans for online counselling. There are affordable plans starting at ₹500 per session.
You can use online apps and websites for counselling at home. The best app for online counselling is TickTalkTo. It is available on both Play Store and App Store. You can download the app and get counselling support from a therapist from the comfort of your home.
Psychiatric help can be availed using the TickTalkTo app. They have the best psychiatrists who can guide you with the right treatment approach. Just download the TickTalkTo app and subscribe to a consultation with a psychiatrist of your choice.
The best way to get online therapy in India is by using the app TickTalkTo. You can download the app from Play Store or App Store. You can begin chatting with a happiness coach and buy a therapy package that suits you the best.
Yes, there are multiple studies which indicate that online therapy is as effective as in-person therapy. In addition, the convenience offered by online counselling makes it the preferred way to seek therapy. Various counselling apps like TickTalkTo are highly rated and prove that online therapy is very effective.
If your goal is to just get a basic understanding of your illness, you can talk to a happiness coach on the TickTalkTo app. But if you are looking for totally free support, you can consider using government and NGO run helplines like AASRA (9820466726), iCall (9152987821), NIMHANS Helpline (080 – 4611 0007) and SNEHA (9999 666 555).
On TickTalkTo, you can chat with a happiness coach for free. The happiness coach understands your mental health challenges and your preferences, and matches you to the best therapist for you. Therapy sessions are NOT free. There are affordable plans starting at ₹500 per session.
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